9.9

Passing another Star portal, and in My Home, the place that god gave me as a bless, figuring out so Many things, by My own, in My own loneliness and time to hear myself and put out the order that is a constant practice this times.

What do i want to create in this space that i have been gift,

Is the expression of life without so Much blablabla; letting go finally the questions about how it would or not be, better, neither worse, just without asking anymore about, just live the flow, do the work, walk thought every task i have to and don't worry ever about more, just live, do, breathe, grow, go,

Finally be.

Not what i supposed, not what i desired, not what i choose, just be.

Freely be.

And handle the task life gave me, with a bright smile on My face, feeling Alive just because i can, because i actually am.

And for the love or lovers, just romanticly talking i jump off, i quit the constantly Game of punishing no one for or own illusions and fantasies, or Even punishing others for what i should do by myself.

This is it.

If love knocks My door again, i Will Open, but for sure i Will be so mucho more selective now if i decide it to stay, because Even if sometimes it feels lonely, there's do much people outside that it's insane to feel alone.

And also My peace is valuable at the top.

It's just another paradox of the mind, and self steem.

So,

Jump Laura, i am here.

Then

 Then Melo passed out too.

Cicles ending, life transformed in another life...

School gets near, and life goes light, the Will of wiming about changes is not more here, just the Will of experiencing everything without apegos, just watching the things happening, sometimes or most os times doesn't matter anymore how You would like to things be, it's like there's nothing else to do, just stare, breathe and SEE.

The father came, go, came, and well i tried to recover the things, but truth tells that when You left back past, You close the door, there's no way trying to put yourself where You have no way of be, or live, love becames in something more light, more free, less possesion more liberation.

Then i figured out that, people is no good or Bad, fathers, mothers, it's just people, and everyone gots it's own expression, doesn't matter if it fits on You or not, then i realized that i did't choose somethings consciently, i was more Spontaneous that carefull, and trust in life flow, perhaps i was blind about choosing a father, or a man, or anything in this life chapter, now i got some experiences, Guess got some wisdow and i could'tchoose better the future i want to experience.

Raise a life is no Game but it's kind of, but seriously... 

So in order to order My life, i decided, or i realize that i got no time or energy to be a wife, a girlfriend, and nothing that puts a papper in my hand that allows anybody to Demand of me nothing that doesn't born from inside of me, beside My child, that obviulsy is going to demand care and love, and beside My own being that needs itself to be in balance...

Had some dreams about past lovers, about news that i don't Even know, but the constant feeling is about, 

Don't desire to others want You wouldn't desire to yourself and,

I'm not You puppet, don't supposs about me if You hasn't asked me before.

Speaking with me to express, writing to me to remember,

And breathe.